Assalammualaikum wbt....

This entry will be untitled for reason. Orang baca satu entry tu base on the title, jadi entry ni tak ada apa pun utuk dibaca. So, no need to concern on this.

I supposed to talk about motivation or something inspired as to give benefits for others but now, I'm writing just to see how far I've walk through this world. About my pain, my gain....its all about muhasabah sebenarnya. But yeah, I hope, I'll learn from that and get so much lesson to be careful on my future.

I remember few days ago.
I try to not lets anyone know that I've no money even 1 ringgit...I only have about 20sen.
Yes, its two days ago. One of my friend ask me to buy her food on my way home.
But, I was created a lot of reasons to avoid it without telling her that I've no money.
So, I told her that I've class that time. But, she said, "Nevermind, you can buy after your class".
Here I failed to avoid.
Then, I told her again..."I've 3 ringgit only..its not enough and I'm too lazy to go to ATM" (but otherwise, I've nothing to withdraw)...then, she said, "Nevermind, just buy me rice, 1 ringgit".
Here, I failed again to avoid.
Then, I let the time pass until finally I finished my class. I went back home but I'm thinking of her along my way.
At the end, I just go home and decided to tell her that I was forget to buy food for her. I know she is sick and needs food to eat before she take her medicine.
I can't feel calm, so...I'm sorry, I was burden someone because of my situation. I asked my another friend to go to her room and give her food to eat. I was glad and I still can survived.
Chingu ya, I'm sorry for lying you.

Day by day....
About 2 days I learn how to be a smart person while spending. I learn how to be patient, I learn how to be a grateful slave, I learn how to be a strong heart person especially.
And ohhhh...one more lesson, I know that is how the feelings when you have no money. Will always worry about tomorrow and feels like to cry when I smells something delicious. I pin this story as one of conditions that will be memorable moment to remember.

I told this story because I already free from that zone. I said again, I ALREADY FREE FROM THAT ZONE. So, nothing to worry. Its normal.
During my study, money is being a worries.
I'm not saying that, I'm counting my assets. No...I know semua itu dunia yang tidak patut dibimbangkan.
I always talk to myself 'Rahmat dan rezeki Allah tu luas, tak ada apa yang nak dibimbangkan'. But everyday, I'm afraid if I over used my money...mungkin boleh kata agak berkira dan selalu takut duit tak cukup. This kind of worries.

I'm not too negative with this situation because its a normal as a student. I mean 'student biasa-biasa'. Sebenarnya, dalam dunia ni salah satu kunci ujian adalah 'Syukur'.
Bila tengok keadaan sendiri yang sedang diuji dan dibandingkan dengan keadaan orang lain yang tidak bernasib baik. Bersyukurlah dengan apa yang kita ada.

Every month, my father will give me 200 ringgit, but if they need more money, sometimes I just get 70 or 40 ringgit untuk belanja dengan bijak. Kalau duit habis, I've to wait 25th every month sebab itu sahaja tarikh orang kerajaan dapat gaji.

Sebelum ni banyak baca kisah-kisah kesusahan hidup orang-orang yang berjaya.
Ada yang terpaksa makan nasi dengan air garam.
Ada yang tidur tak berbumbungkan atap.
Ada yang terpaksa bersusah payah untuk ke sekolah.
Hence, I don't want people to expect that I'm coming from a rich family. Dan my mom pesan, jangan tunjuk kat orang kalau kita susah. Kami juga pernah diuji,
Even my father work with government, we still have money crisis. Sampai satu masa kami terpaksa kumpul duit adik-beradik untuk beli beras 5 kilo.
There is something to remember, is 'My father's smile' that can described from his eyes.

Tapi kan, perasan tak, beza hidup kita dengan orang yang lagi tak berkemampuan, hal macam ni sesuatu yang tak patut dikeluhkan.
Ok, that's my old story to be a lesson.
Dan menjadi sumber kekuatan untuk terus bertapak ke atas.

Sekarang ni, mak dah selalu pesan dhuha dan tahjud jangan tinggal. Tapi nak istiqomah tu tak mudah. >.<
Tapi usahalah, itu yang terbaik....ingat, rahmat Allah tu luas, jangan terus berputus asa.

I want to thank to all of my friends yang susah senang bersama.
Terima kasih, always there for me...understand me....reading my eyes...
I'm not asking anything from you other than love.
Keep loving me for who I am. Sometime aku boleh jadi kawan yang tak guna, so I'm sorry for my mistake. I'm really sorry for everything.

Thanks for those who give me money dalam keadaan yang terdesak she give me more than what I need. You'll always in my prayer.
Thanks for those who feeding me, giving me foods to eat. May Allah bless you.

I'll tell to my generation and let them know that kawan-kawan macam ni, memang wujud dalam dunia ni. Ini bukan kisah mermaid yang dongengan semata tapi, ini adalah realiti yang indah.


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